I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
