what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
