saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
