Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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