just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
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