What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
