If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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