Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
