whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I deserve this hangover.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
