I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It was confusing and full of hummus
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
