yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
