I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
