this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
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