You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize