if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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