his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize