i just had sex bonerless
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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