Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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