im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
