Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
