brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
