Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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