She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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