You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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