Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
