well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
