he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
