I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
