this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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