Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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