guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
