i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
