I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
