I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
