Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
