another moral hangover. fuck.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Sext me about skeletons
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
