I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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