So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
