Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
