Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
