Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
