and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
