talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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