Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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