I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
