Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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