I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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