he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
