first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
