After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
