Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
