She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
