so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
