Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
