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you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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