Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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