he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
