Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
