we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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