I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
