Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My vagina just clenched in fear
why does every cop we meet know your name?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
