A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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