she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
