clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
