If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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