Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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