I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
