The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He passed out mid-signature
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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