great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
