Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize