I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
