You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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