i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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