I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
