Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize