Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
