I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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