It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
