I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
