Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
