i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Less talking, more tequila
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
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