I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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