I got chris browned last night
i just google imaged poop.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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