there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
