I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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