Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
