he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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