we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You are a booty call, not a friend.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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