you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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