u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
