you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
